This is one of the days.
One of those days that you cannot pick yourself up no matter how hard you try.
I wandered around aimlessly for 2 hours, hoping to walk till I disappear from reality.
Till I get tucked into an unknown corner to man, where no one saw me.
I walked till I had no other places to go, and my phone buzzed with messages.
Messages reminding me that I have to walk back to reality.
Walking back to helplessness.
Walking back to witness pain.
Walking back to a place filled with fear.
I prayed for courage.
The courage to hold her hands even when I’m shaking in fear.
The courage to let go of the pain I witness each day and walk into the room with a smile.
The courage to allow my tears to fall into the abyss of the night.
The courage to admit that perhaps this is enough.
I paced into the ward, smiling.
Only to see her writhing in pain. I ran out to get help, because I cannot do anything. Words are so useless.
Give me strength and courage, to stay strong.
Please.
Hiam 