I just googled how long it might take to break a habit.
21 days, it says.
Clicked on another scholarly article, and it says this research result was published in 1970s.
Ouch, a near 40 years of difference.
Let me click on another article, it says for a new habit to stick, it takes an average of 66 days. 66 days doesn’t sound all too bad, it’s like…2 months.
Then I read on, only to find out that it varies from individual to individual, it could take place from 18 days ( ~2.5 weeks) to 254 days (8.5 months). The huge range will prolly make my stats prof weep.
I clicked on article after article, and each suggests a different length of time required.
There seems to not be a fixed solution to this problem at hand, which is fair enough, as we are all unique individuals with different mindsets and level of self discipline.
- My level of self discipline: Near zero. ( it might look better in decimal points, but that would introduce even more zeros infront, which isn’t ideal)
- My level of stubborn-ness: Donkey.
- Chances of success story to update others: Donkey X zero = zero
Well, that sure puts things into perspective, and is very encouraging to individual (aka me).
Looks like we have some work to do, or reverse engineer this. Cultivate a good habit to cancel out the effects of that one bad habit. Outnumber the bad habits by having more good habits!
4. Level of evasion: infinite (please hire me to play dodgeball, I am good at avoiding issues)
FINE.
I guess I really do want to get rid of this habit, but I am very emotional. I am an emotion-hoarder (is there such a term?)
The thing is, I let people waltz in and out of my life. I know they are doing this intentionally, only waltzing in when they need help, or they lack attention. (Essentially I am a doormat)
I find excuses for them – they really need help! What if they really needed a listening ear, and I turned them away? What if this what if that...
The amount of drama that went through my head whenever I see a familiar yet strange name pop-up on my phone screen…is immense. (I am dying in my own melodrama, would mediacorp perhaps consider hiring me).
I rationalize by saying that if I did not rendered help when they need it, and something did indeed happened…I will just live in guilt my entire life.
Though, most of the situations were not life-threatening (thank goodness), after helping/listening to them. They disappear into a wisp of air, and will only return when the next episodes starts.
Then, I start questioning myself. Is that really needed? Do I really need to even entertain them?
Then I realized, this is a bad habit. A habit that I need to break (atleast for the moment, because I do have alot on my plate at the moment).
To quit prioritizing people who prolly don’t truly value me anyway.
But every time, a situation arises, and my heart would soften and I will end up helping anyway.
Kill them with kindness, so they say.
I think the only one that I am killing is myself.
Though I don’t think I will fully break this never-ending vicious cycle of dilemma(I think that requires a change of character in entirety), I think I must learn to pick my battles very carefully.
Instead of breaking this habit, I think I would prefer to cultivate the habit of taking time to reply.
To let myself cool down, think, before deciding if I want to reply.
Onwards to the next 65 days of growing this habit!
Hiam 