These days, the rain keeps coming, bringing down the flowers which have just had their first peek of the world.
I can’t help but to wonder, what is there to life. As there are many elements that are beyond our control, life as we see it always threw curve ball after curve ball, expecting us to get better with each one thrown.
Some, taught us technique.
Others, we can do nothing but to dodge.
Lastly, we get whacked by those of which we fail to avoid.
Not everything teaches us a lesson that we can use in our life next time, but it does tell us abit more about the person we are dealing with.
Looking at the fallen flower, floating on the puddle, when it has fully blossomed. Did it expect its end? I wonder if any bees had visited it before? Would it have had a chance for to turn into a fruit if it had survive the harsh rain?
So many questions, yet so little answers.
Does it actually want to turn into a fruit?
What do I want out of this life, actually?
A flower has its natural programme ingrained in its genes, do we too have things we are destined to do, carved in our DNA?
Confronting mortality hasn’t been easy, watching people say goodbyes is always difficult.
As I muttered a goodbye to the fallen flower, the wind blows.
The water ripples, and the flower danced one last dance in the water.
People often ask me, what do I admire about others. It is often, without thinking, that I would mention grit.
Grit is something valuable in everyone, it is the spirit that keeps us going when, possibly, all things are not going in our favor.
I admire my friends for their grit, resilience in different situations that they are chucked into. They didn’t accept failure, they turn failure into a stepping stone towards success.
Funnily, the one trait that I admire most about others, I lack in it. I may not be the most resilient person you would ever know. When things don’t happen how I envision it to be, the very first thing I would do, is to review the details, then proceed to beat myself over every single thing that could suggest the point of failure was. It was as though I went into something, fully envisioning that the idea that I was about to propose is the sole winning idea IS supposed to work.
When it doesn’t, I feel that says more about me as a person, rather than the idea itself. Then, I would start persuading myself that, hey, maybe I am better off not doing this. Since they cannot accept my idea, so whatever.
At first glance, it might seem like I am strong believer of my own capabilities, but retrospectively, it seems like I was stubborn mule (not to mention it looks like a highly defensive move).
There are many things that I can learn through that little mistake I did, like I shouldn’t try to ride a bike without proper brakes down a hill, rather than fixated on the scar that I can no longer erase from my leg.
The many months have taught me again and again, the value of having grit. To work on things, when the situation is tough, and the tides are against you. To adapt and learn to swim instead of thinking that maybe if I stay afloat I might somehow survive.
I want to do more than just survive, I want to grow, I want to progress. Be it mentally or physically, I want to move on from the point of stagnate.
So I started doing (but I still like to complain about it, just let me whine, I’ll be fine.).
Though I always like to say that I don’t feel much changes, when I look back, there are changes, although minor, it is a progress towards the direction that I set out upon. It was upon reflection, that perhaps, all the stresses, pain, tears, sweat and all that random nonsense, was perhaps quite worth it.
Perhaps, my return to the tennis court can be in 2022.
Perhaps, my choice of position can be in 2022.
Although there will always be people who will deny and hold opinion about the things I choose to do, I have slowly learn to tune out their words.
Hiam 