There was many letting go’s to be done this season.
(mentally, I don’t know why am I singing Let it GOOOOOO let it GOOOOOOOOO..)
Jokes aside, it has been a tough period of time.
Another tough season! Although people would have said that my mentality and thinking had caused me to perpetually land myself in one shithole or another. There is no denying that there had been shit holes present (imaginary or not).
Each time, I licked my lips nervously and wondered how do I climb out of the shit hole, while climbing up. Each time I doubted my ability to climb out, each time I had proven myself wrong. I can climb out, in varying speeds, but the fact remains that, I can climb out.
Job wise, I finally worked up the courage to tell boss that I am thinking of a time-out, to gather myself together. I licked my lips and said in a stuttering voice, that it is within my plans. She looked concerned, and just as I thought she would want more reasoning behind my time out, she blurted out, “When are you planning to take that?” before she asked “Why?”
My heart sank, my reason is secondary to the time that they have to secure another person to sit in my seat. How replaceable one is in an organisation.
“Next year.” I mumbled. I think that gives you enough time to find someone, and for me to clear my cupboard and desk to make way for the next in line.
The next thing I knew, I was invited to meet the biggest boss, and how she thought that I am doing well, and should not throw in the towel so easily.
P.S: Performance review states otherwise.
Guess I am stuck despite me making the effort to speak my mind better.
People told me to challenge myself to move out of my comfort zone, I worked up my nerve to do just that, but invited my scrutiny to what I am doing at work.
It backfired on me.
Time for Plan B!
Except that there’s no plan B.
Hiam 