Tag: adultinggonewrong

Of Bralettes

thehiamsLeave a comment

I’ve seen Iskra Lawrence posing in bralettes and reading about her cause for #bodypositivity . Iskra is like my goddess role model. She’s beautiful, smart and above all – confident in her skin.

I’ve been pondering whether I should purchase Aerie’s bralette. I’ve been sitting on it sooooo much, that I didn’t get around to doing it. Maybe the rude discovery of how filmsy a non-lined bralette is, aided in the decision to sit on it longer.

Then came my BKK trip in December 2016. Whilst my cute friend A, ventured into a local lingerie store to buy safety shorts, I went in to take a look as well. I was skeptical of everything I saw in the store, because I knew I was different from the standard thailand girl size, or the standard singaporean size. Past experiences tells me that…I won’t fit into anything here.

Then, something in the far corner caught my eye. It’s a bralette with front straps and IT’S LINED!  AND IT HAS ELASTIC BAND! After enquiring with the owner who confidently told me that I’m able to fit in this, I happily enthusiastically desperately asked for it in 2 different colors, paid and stuffed them in my bag.

Alas! When I got home to try it on. It was a nightmare. It was a struggle to put on the bralette (PLEASE REMEMBER THAT ELASTIC BAND ALSO DO HAVE LIMITS – THERE’S NO INFINITY STRETCH OPTION AVAILABLE). For a good minute I panicked, and I kept thinking what if I got stuck and people who save me will see me stuck precariously in this piece of lingerie. After convincing myself that I would not allow this to happen, I finally gathered my shit and shoved the lingerie in place. That’s right, SHOVED. I stared myself in the mirror and marvelled over the fact that:

  1. WHY SO SMALL AH
  2. SO TIGHT. OH YAS TOO SMALL.
  3. OMG THE TRIANGLES ARE TOO SMALL
  4. MY BOOBS ARE SQUISHED FLAT AND NOW LOOKS LONGITUDINAL
  5. I FEEL STUPID
  6. I KINDA RESEMBLE A BAZHANG (RICE DUMPLING) with all the different lines tying up my meat together

This nightmare did not end here. What has been put on, must be taken off. Wrestling with that piece of lingerie ensues, and I emerged victorious (else i would have appeared on the headlines the next day).

I sneakily banished this lingerie of shame in the dark corner of my closet – never to see the light of the day again.

It was all fine. I lived happily ever after with wired bras – or so I thought.

 

I wonder

thehiamsLeave a comment

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Sometimes, I can’t help but wonder…

Where has time brought me to?

Now as an adult, with far more responsibilities, far more constraints. Am I truly in a place that I enjoy? Or am I in a place that I simply tolerate, because you know, it puts bread on the table. It is nice to have spending money?

As much as it sounds like I’m pointing fingers at time, I’m not.

As a child, I enjoy indulging in creative projects. I take photos on a daily basis, force my poor friends into being my models  my friends are all more than willing to be my free labour whenever crazy ideas struck me deep and hard. I edit photos, admire them.

Dabble in activities that bring me cash for allowance, and I juggle my grades all at the same time.

I was literally doing that work hard, play hard thing that people are buzzing about now.

Look at me now, slouched over the laptop, tapping away at roughly about 3 alphabets per minute (or I imagine it to be so, because 30 minutes felt like foreverrrrrrr). The feeling of doing something because I’m salaried and hence this should take precedence over any creative crazy ideas that I’ve been harbouring in my mind.

My inner dialogue is crazy these days.

Brain: You know, you should get your fingers moving and get that work cleared. You know that the D-day is looming right ahead. LET’S GET STARTED!

also the Brain: But there’s this awesome idea that I have, you know perhaps I could sneak a few product shots for the next hour and go back to the work?

Brain: No, you are paid to do work! So work should get done. 

again, the Brain: But…I don’t feel like doing it! It’s the weekend! Give me a break. Weekends are for fun stuff, and I should’t be typing out work stuff. 

The dialogue went on forever, debating whether I should do work, or should I do something that I like.

Though deep down, I know the solution is to first clear the work and I am free to enjoy in any creative endeavours that I choose to partake.

But no, after I’m done with the imaginary debate with no obvious winner. The clock literally did a sprint,and I wound up having lost 3 hours of my life.  I grapple with the way I’m handling this non-existent not even mid-life crisis, whilst trying very hard not to tear my hair out.

I think, I’m terrible at this adulting business.

Oh why, do I tap on my Instagram and marvel over the many inspirations – Look! She’s so productive! So talented! So amazing!

And wound up feeling small, unaccomplished and perhaps even slightly jealous of the picturesque life of others. ( I know picturesque isn’t used this way, but just let me pleaseeeeee).

Everyone seems to be doing a better job than me! The horrors!

I proceed to convince myself that social media only show the good stuff, and that it is highly curated and chock full of positivity, glitter and pixie dust (all of which I do not possess), and that I shouldn’t be bothered by what I saw, because what presented to me might not be the truth!

Am I doing #positivity right?

Although, I’m extremely rather cynical about where I am with time now. I trust that given time, I will eventually reach where I desire to be.

Oh the oxymoron.

I shall just practice faith then.

Have some faith. (I’m repeating this to anyone, any, who is willing to listen to me)

OH LOOK, I’VE TALENT IN WASTING TIME APPARENTLY.