Courage.

This is one of the days.

One of those days that you cannot pick yourself up no matter how hard you try.

I wandered around aimlessly for 2 hours, hoping to walk till I disappear from reality.

Till I get tucked into an unknown corner to man, where no one saw me.

I walked till I had no other places to go, and my phone buzzed with messages.

Messages reminding me that I have to walk back to reality.

Walking back to helplessness.

Walking back to witness pain.

Walking back to a place filled with fear.

I prayed for courage.

The courage to hold her hands even when I’m shaking in fear.

The courage to let go of the pain I witness each day and walk into the room with a smile.

The courage to allow my tears to fall into the abyss of the night.

The courage to admit that perhaps this is enough.

I paced into the ward, smiling.

Only to see her writhing in pain. I ran out to get help, because I cannot do anything. Words are so useless.

Give me strength and courage, to stay strong.

Please.